Valiant Comics Hires Earnest Press Release Writer 11-Year-Old Janey Richardson
By Ryan McLelland

The entertainment world was smiling yesterday when the official announcement was sent out from Valiant Entertainment that the comic company had permanently hired 11-year-old Janey Richardson onto the staff. Richardson had begun as an “intern” back in May helping the employee-strapped Bloodshot publisher with their press releases.

Her first press release hooked many readers onto the series The Life and Death of Toyo Harada – which had been only a moderate seller before Richardson started writing the releases.

“Toyo Harada is dead! I mean, you had to expect it with a title like THE LIFE AND DEATH OF TOYO HARADA, right?” Richardson wrote. Direct and to the point. It totally had death in the title.

“Which makes issue #4 all the more intriguing!” Intrigue so loud it needs to be exclaimed!

“We’ll be sending review PDFs on Friday, June 7th, but for now, here’s a cool preview you can share with your readers.” She’s so cool, she’s Elsa.

“In this preview, written by Joshua Dysart and illustrated by Diego Yapur, we flashback to a period in Toyo Harada’s life where he lost his memory and, for a brief period of time, forgot his mission to make the world a better place!” said Karl Bollers, editor of the series. “We know he eventually gets his memory back, but how??? Don’t miss THE LIFE AND DEATH OF TOYO HARADA #4!”

It takes cajones to put a run-on sentence in a press release. Even more so when you have two sentences that end in an exclamation point and one other sentence with not just one question mark, not two question marks, but THREE question marks. Any doubt it was a question??? Richardson quells those doubts for you.

“Wait, did THAT really just happen in the last issue? Oh, man… Can Toyo’s team recover or will they ever be the same again? Trust us, you don’t want to miss what happens next!”

I didn’t happen to read last issue, but Janey’s level of enthusiasm helps dwarf that. With an ellipsis, two question marks, and yet another exclamation mark – she really brings the press release home.

Congratulations to Janey and I can’t wait to continue reading your well written hype beasts for Valiant’s upcoming line of super fun awesome wowzies!!!!! Am I sure??? Sure am. THAT happened.

“2克1是他妈的混蛋,” said Valiant Comics owner DMG Entertainment chairman Peter Xiao.

To that we reply, “谢谢”

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